WobblyReport

When was the last time you tried something new—I mean really new? The tried and true remain a foundation of daily living but the will to step out on a limb is vital, both for the individual spirit and the health of our species. How else could we have discovered milk can be preserved by dipping frogs in it? No, seriously, look it up. Trying new things is dangerous and fun. It’s all belly laughs and broken ribs. Sorry, that’s just the mid-rift crisis talking.  I return periodically to the Analects of Confucius, who had his own, respected forebears. The Master said, at 15 I set my heart upon learning At 30, I had planted my feet firm upon the ground. At 40, I no longer suffered from perplexities. At 50, I knew what were the biddings of heaven. At 60, I heard them with docile ears. At 70, I could follow the dictates of my own heart; for what I desired no longer overstepped the boundaries of right. The joys and obligations of liberty lie in both ritual and experiment. Danger and fun att...

A lure came in the mail, not unlike the sweepstakes of yesteryear, to the addressee “or current resident” (somewhat insultingly). But here were three pull-tab tickets, tantalizingly hot-glued to a glossy flyer with images of cash and prizes and happy winners with big grins and even bigger novelty checks, the flyer gleaming on top of a daily pile of post. Obviously this was no one’s first rodeo. But times are tough and everybody’s feeling the squeeze, so the slimmest of chances can inspire a swing for the fences. After pulling the tabs and reading print that gets finer every year, the odds that the three matching truck images and all-caps, red text that said “WINNER” would pay seemed to be about one in one and a half million. But as a very unwise Lloyd Christmas once exclaimed to an incredulous Mary Swanson: “you’re telling me there’s a chance?” So on Wednesday, Oct. 16, 2024, I kissed my wife for luck and drove to a nearby Chevrolet dealership, 99.9998% sure that I would never, ever re...